Happy Heteroween

Halloween has always been a holiday where you can dress up and pretend to be something you're not. As I have gotten older, I've noticed that more and more girls dress provocatively on Halloween in order to be sexy. I think this is great! Girls who are usually more reserved and might dress conservatively most of the time have an opportunity to experience being overtly sexy. However, there is a time and place for this kind of Halloween celebration. Obviously, here at Penn State we are all around the ages of 18-22 and this kind of expression of sexuality is appropriate. Off of a College campus, however, it might be a little inappropriate to dress up as a sexy nurse and hand out candy to the neighborhood children. It's wonderful that we can be let loose a little on Halloween, but there is definitely a line.

Something I don't agree with in Dan Savage's article is that men are discouraged from being sexy on Halloween. I have seen numerous male costumes that allow men to be completely shirtless. This Halloween my guy friends dressed up as soldiers from the movie "300" for the sole purpose of being able to show off their chests. Obviously, they wanted to feel and look sexy as well and there is nothing wrong with that.

I think all men and women deserve to let loose and be able to avoid a negative label for one night. Just because we all dress a little provocatively on Halloween does not make any of us sluts or whores. People who oppose this expression of sexuality probably need to lighten up.

Our Porn, Ourselves by Sarah Estrella

I think Sarah Estrella's article, "Our Porn, Ourselves", is refreshing. Although society sees men who watch porn as entirely normal, women who watch porn are looked down upon. Women cannot openly talk about porn the way men do, and they are taught to feel ashamed for watching porn. This all ties in with women's sexuality and how, if a women has a healthy sex life, she is a slut. I know so many boys whose parents know they watch porn, but if my parents ever saw me watching porn, I would be so embarrassed and ashamed - even though I shouldn't feel that way!
I never realized there was a divide between feminists about porn, but Estrella described two sides with completely different opinions on females and pornography. I think it's amazing that women are coming out as supporters of porn and saying that if a women wants to watch it or not watch it, either way it's her choice and we support women's rights in general. I definitely agree that no matter what, women should support each other's sexual decisions because every adult deserves to control their own sex life. Part of the Our Porn, Ourselves group's manifesto really speaks to me and sums up my opinion of women and porn, which is, "WE who believe that to tell a woman how she may or may not enjoy her sexuality in any way is to deny that woman of her rights over her sexuality."
Overall, it is vital that women control their own lives and stand up to any kind of oppression. If you want to watch porn, it's your life and feel free to watch it!

Happy Heteroween by Dan Savage

“Happy Heteroween” by Dan Savage was an interesting read to me. I really enjoyed reading it because of what Dan had to say about Halloween. Telling us how the straight community took over Halloween from the homosexuals, to show off their bodies and their sexy side. Unlike most feminists, Dan didn’t really care about the costumes that are worn during Halloween; in fact he supports the fact that people wear revealing costumes.

I never cared what girls wore during Halloween or any other day, because in all honesty, it is their body. If they want to show it off or wear tight clothes, in all means go for it. Halloween, is one of the few events, where girls can wear whatever they want without being called sluts, whores or even trashy. However, guys on the other hand try to stay away from wearing anything revealing because it makes them appear gay. Every person; homosexual or heterosexual, women or men, should not really care of what people say or think. It is your body, do what you want to with it because it’s your right.

Happy Heteroween

I really enjoyed this article and the points that Dan Savage made. Unlike most feminist writers who are angered by the skimpy clothing women are encouraged to wear, Dan supported revealing Halloween costumes. He believes Halloween is a holiday where straight men and women should be proud to show off their bodies and feel good about themselves. Since homosexuals have their pride parades, heterosexuals should have Halloween.

            Halloween is typically a time for a woman to wear little clothing and claim it as a costume. This kind of behavior on a daily basis would definitely earn her the title of a whore. On Halloween, for the most part, it is socially acceptable. On the other hand, straight men are more likely to dress on the conservative side. This is done out of fear that they might appear gay.

            Personally, I don't think this is an issue of sexuality. Men and women, both homosexual and heterosexual, should be proud of their bodies. Enough slut shaming and judging people based on how they look and dress. If you are confident with the way you look, flaunt it.

Enlightened Sexism by Susan Douglas

As a little girl, it was inspiring to see women on TV exploring space, working in the White House, and doing science experiments in a laboratory. Olivia Benson, the detective from Law and Order: SVU, was a beautiful and completely badass detective. No matter what one may argue, media does influence children. Constantly seeing women working important jobs on TV, where they were on equal standing with men, is a positive influence on young women. It shows them that women can achieve any job they set their mind to and that they can aspire to become more than just a housewife. I disagree with what Susan Douglas has to say about how the media's illustration of equality is fooling women into thinking they are equal. In today's workforce, women may not be completely equal to men. I don't really know because I have never worked at a real, 'grown up' job before. Either way, the media is not aiming to fool women and set them up with false hopes. They are portraying women in different roles and showing that a woman can put herself to use in more ways than just a housewife, homemaker, and mother, if that's what she wants to do. It is inspiring and, in my opinion, very important that the media depict women succeeding. The media is not trying to allude women into thinking they are equal, like Douglas says, but instead inspiring them to get out there and work where they want. Although I do agree with her opinion that women are overly sexualized in the media, I overall disagree with Douglas because I think the role of powerful women on TV inspires women and girls to reach for a successful career.

Enlightened Sexism

While reading Enlightened Sexism I couldn't help but think of my own family. My mom has always been the breadwinner of the family, so when my dad lost his job awhile ago, things didn't drastically change. It was decided that he would be of better use at home, dropping off/picking up my sister and I from school, doing the laundry, grocery shopping, preparing meals, etc. For a few years this continued and I found nothing wrong with it, everything was being taken care of. A girl in school told my sister that in my family the roles were switched: that my mom was the man and that my dad, the woman. He was a "stay-at-home dad", but he wasn't a woman.

Just because he wasn't bringing in money, didn't make his useless. He really helped my mom out by doing the things that she was too busy to take care of. I didn't feel like the roles were reversed, but others did because society suggests that what my dad was doing were women's tasks. Even though women have long been accepted in the workforce, it is still socially acceptable for women to tend to their homes and children. Men are expected to be the ones to provide for the family, because that is what makes them "manly". I totally disagree with this. Women can choose to work or stay at home, and men can do the same. What they decide to do should not affect the way that they are viewed in society.  

We are the Ones We've Been Waiting For

We are the Ones We've Been Waiting For is a fantastic article by the Moya Bailey and Alexis Pauline Gumbos. They are two Black feminists who really want to spread their message in a completely new way than was ever possible in the older days of feminism: they took to social media.
The internet has become such a vital part of our everyday lives. We get email alerts on our phones, check twitter every 20 seconds and know exactly what everyone around us is doing at all times. But, the internet lets us do something amazing that we had not been able to do before. With the internet, we can connect with anyone from anywhere. When deciding to spread the Black feminist message, Moya and Alexis created a blog, a Facebook group, a reading group and a network that allows them to meet up regularly with other Black feminists who share similar ideas. This utilization of social media is the best way for people to get their message out there and band together to make real changes. In this era of feminism, the only way to be heard is to get the message out there to large groups of people. Alexis and Moya did just that.

Gate C22

Before meeting my boyfriend, I was never a fan of PDA. I always felt uncomfortable and judged kissing in public. I was horrified at the beginning of my relationship to find out that my boyfriend loves PDA. He's constantly kissing, cuddling, and touching me. Although it made me feel so weird at first, I love it now. Like Kristen said, I think it's really cute that he is the loving, emotional one in the relationship. I like that we are less traditional and he doesn't fit the male stereotype of being opposed to PDA.
I thought this poem was really interesting and sweet. Even though it was short, the poem really illustrated how much the couple was in love and everyone in the airport could tell. I love how Bass wrote about older lovers because love is often depicted to be between young people. It's rare but refreshing to read about. People usually assume that older couples have lost their spark, but this poem definitely shows a couple that hasn't lost their flame.

The Power of Marriage

             I want to start by saying that I loved this article. It is a beautiful piece of romantic writing that makes me believe that the author really does believe in love. Personally, I’m a romantic and I’ve always found it amazing and sweet that one day I would find a man I loved and get to spend the rest of my life with him. I’ve been dreaming about marriage since I was a little girl. That being said, it makes me sad that little girls who are not heterosexual can’t dream of that marriage like I could. Although some states are making progress, it’s not possible everywhere and that is simply unacceptable.

            This year, I attended my first non-traditional wedding. My boyfriend of two years invited me to join him at his fathers’ wedding. Yes, he has two dads (and a mom, but that’s another story). I have always been supportive of equal rights and I could not have been more excited to attend. The wedding was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever witnessed. His fathers looked at each other while exchanging vows like they couldn’t ever be a part again. They showed the kind of love that is rare to see lately.

            I think that anyone who loves someone else that much, should be able to get married. Marriage is a union between two consenting adults, it doesn’t matter if they are gay or straight or transgender. Marriage is a way to show the ultimate love for another person and everyone should be allowed to legally experience that kind of beauty.

Gate C22

                A lot of my friends are not fans of public displays of affection. "Get a room" they say, to couples who get a little touchy-feely in front of us. Personally, I see nothing wrong with it...as long as there is a boundary. Holding hands, soft kisses, fondling --- that's all fine by me, just keep it PG.

                Sometimes when you love someone you can't control the way you feel. You just want to show them your love, without caring where you are. I think it's actually nice to see, because people tend to think that we aren't supposed to show our emotions, especially men. To see a man kiss the person he loves in public is refreshing. The macho stereotype is being replaced with sensitivity. A gentle form of a man that doesn't care what others think about his actions, but rather is interested in showing his partner his love. 

                This reading was short and sweet, but meaningful. People couldn't stop staring at the couple kissing. Maybe because they were concerned that the couple wasn't coming up for air, or maybe it was just odd to see in an airport. The sad reality is that maybe some of the people staring were in awe because they have never experienced that kind of affection before. I think everyone wants to love and wants to be loved. When we see others in love, it may make us happy or sad depending on our current love status. Despite how spectators feel about it, PDA should be accepted, because if I was one of the people kissing in Gate C22, I would want to be able to show my affection for my lover, and I'm sure others would want to too. 

God, Sex, and Pythagoras

In Shelby Knox's article "God, Sex, and Pythagoras", she uses the story of a girl in her Geometry class to illustrate how she was raised. She comes from an extremely religious home where her life was basically spent living in virtue and spending time in the church. I can't relate to this lifestyle at all, and I found it super odd that people actually live this way. In today's society, it's socially acceptable to have no involvement in the church. I don't really agree with the church in general, it tends to be extremely corrupt and misleading. Knox's childhood is a perfect example of the church and their confusing, unfair treatment of women and sexuality. She claims that at 16 years old, when many people are beginning to have sex, she simply did not know what it was.
That's completely foreign to me and it definitely proves that there is a lack of sex ed in this country. I believe there is a way to teach kids the truth about sex without shaming them or promoting it. The fact that girls are told sex before marriage ruins them and makes them a "fallen women" is absolutely disgusting. Knox's article gave me insight into the life of someone who was taught to associate sex with shame and is a great tool to support better sex education in America.

The Cult of Virginity

Jessica Valenti’s point of view on virginity is one of the truest and most relatable things I have ever read. Growing up in a fairly strict Catholic household, attending Catholic school for fourteen years (including pre-K) I told from an early age that girls who have sex before marriage are going to hell and are simply not “nice” girls. I carried this with me for a very long time, so long in fact that when my first friend lost her virginity in the 10^th grade, it became the biggest deal. We questioned, “How could she do this, doesn’t she know that sex is wrong?!” From then on, she and every other girl who had already cashed in the V-Card became “those girls,” the ones who everyone talked about.

          
 But do you know what everyone wasn’t talking about? The boys. No one cared about the boys in this situation who were active participants in losing their virginities as well! Boys aren’t put under the same microscope, as girls are when it comes to having sex. Rather, it’s quite the opposite. While girls are put down and thought of as “bad girls” or “sluts,” boys are patted on the back and congratulated when they have sex. As a woman this double standard is so frustrating.

            
What is most frustrating, however, is where all of the judgments on women come from. Sure, some of them are from men, but at the end of the day, most of the hate and judgment about sexuality is from other women. In Valenti’s article, she discusses a time when her mother found an empty condom wrapper in her bag and told Jessica that if she kept having sex, no one would want to marry her. This is a sentiment that women hear more than you would expect. At 20 years old, when I finally got up the courage to tell my mother that I had lost my virginity that year and made the responsible choice to go on birth control, she hung her head and kept repeating, “Where did I go wrong?”

            
This response to women’s sexuality is just the kind of thing that Valenti is discussing. This double standard and almost slut-shaming that we’re subjecting our fellow women to. When we make a decision about our bodies, do we want that questioned or have judgment passed upon it? No. Then why do we believe that it’s okay to subject other women to our judgments and opinions on their choices? Whether a woman has had 0 sexual partners or 15, she can still be a good and pure woman. The judgment ends now, and it needs to begin with us. 

The Cult of Virginity

This  story reminded me of the "double bind" concept we talked about last week, how women are screwed in every aspect. In my last blog I talked about how women are considered unclean when they menstruate, but would also be viewed as unclean if for some reason they could not menstruate.  This week, "The Cult of Virginity" article made me feel the same way.

This time, women are either whores or prudes. You can either be judged for sleeping with someone or judged for not sleeping with someone, your choice. No one blinks an eye when a guy loses his virginity, but when a girl loses hers, she's a slut.

 In some ways I feel like virginity/ loss of virginity is overemphasized and in other ways I feel like it's underemphasized.  Sometimes I think "to each his own".  As the owner of my body, I feel as though I have the right to do with it as I please. If you choose to abstain from/ give in to sex, it's ultimately your decision, and no one can stop you. On the other hand, when you hear about 13 year olds sleeping around then getting pregnant, then there is a problem. In cases like this, sex hasn't been handled properly. Unfortunately, there is no proper way to handle sex. It is such a delicate topic that many people refrain from talking about it altogether. That's where the problem lies; people need to educate themselves about sex, stop labeling things, and let people live their lives.